Where do I begin?

hmm...

I guess you can say that I am fucked and hoping that I can get out of this mess that I for some reason landed in.

Almost quite literally.

Let's see... 5 women who look like goddess' who claim they have rights to my life, 15 who are 100% jealous of said 5... OH! And not to mention that 3/4+ of the male population hates my ass for some odd reason I have yet to understand.

WAIT! Is that a female voice in my head trying to to me how to get laid!?

I take it back... someone just kill me now.