A Slice-of-Life LitRPG that will make you laugh and, hopefully, warm your heart.

"I have never read anything like this so far, and it's damn fu***** interesting" - Beta reader 1 (the excited one)

"It is very funny and it will climb the ranking fast" - Beta reader 2 (the one with few words)

"A good balance between satire and drama with a touch of action to keep the plot moving" - Beta reader 3 (the fair one)

Synopsis:

Why does everyone think that if you get a supreme relic you have to become a hero? TO HELL WITH THAT. I'm getting none of that adventuring bull. What do you say? Ranks? Tiers? Bronze, Silver and Gold adventuring teams? Sure, keep it, it's all yours.

I'll be opening a nice pastry shop and using Fireballs to cook creme brulée, for your information. And, oh, that's so interesting, teleporting, you say? Yeah sure, I'll teleport a cup of coffee on my nightstand in the morning, thank-you-very-much!

Stop bothering me with all your quests, your legendary adventures and all that nonsense! You either buy some pastry or I'm going to report you to the watch for loitering!