Road of the Rottweiler (Cultivation cognitohazard.)

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Once long ago, Kalon thought. He found the activity unpleasant and swore to never do it again. When the time to choose the Road he will follow in his path of immortality comes, he decides picking up a weapon is not worth it if it implies putting Jagger, local puppy, down on the not-yet-caramelized floor. Following this deranged line of thought, he proclaims himself a follower of the Road of the Rottweiler, having to fight with, meditate in presence of, and overall cultivate in ways that involve the aforementioned dogs.

After getting a word of warning from his oracle, Cutbastra, a powerful immortal with an insurmountable charisma, visits Kalon and Jagger's village. He has only one aim in mind: committing one of those prophecy-related mass murders that are so popular among villains. And maybe bedding some desperate housewives along the way.

Spurred by this terrible act of murder, Kalon embarks on a most moronic journey to avenge his dead brothers, cousins, and brother-cousins. Carrying only rottweilers with him, he will face an absurd world where the only limit to what people can cultivate would be the long-ago-extinct common sense.

And, even if reluctantly, Jagger, sole talking Rottweiler puppy in the world, will need to come along, if only to remind Kalon to keep breathing now and then.----In this story, Rule of Funny supersedes Rule of Cool. The protagonist will get hurt, will get ill. The dog is an slapstick magnet. The villain will be an absolute, absurd blast to read about. The story will stray away from Xianxia tropes as it advances, if only because of entropy and a pathological need to max the dumb. In other words: look at the shitty cover. YES, THE GREEN THING IS A GIANT CHLOROPLAST. Expect to laugh at Kalon's funny disgrace, not to cheer at his absurd power ups (Which will probably come with fun beatings attached). I mean, you do you, but... yeah.

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462 d, 0 h ago Probably stalled or dropped!
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  • Road of the Rottweiler (Cultivation cognitohazard.)
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https://www.royalroad.com/fiction/72064/road-of-the-rottweiler-batshit-crazy-comedic-cultivation
https://www.royalroad.com/fiction/72064/road-of-the-rottweiler-cultivation-cognitohazard
https://www.royalroad.com/fiction/72064/road-of-the-rottweiler-the-most-nonsensical-progression

Releases found: 39

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Series Releases:

Latest release - ch. 37.0
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Road of the Rottweiler (Cultivation cognitohazard.) 37 Chapter 37: Soymen's Blessing Upon This Moronful Duo RoyalRoadL
Road of the Rottweiler (Cultivation cognitohazard.) 36 Chapter 36: Subcellular Revenge RoyalRoadL
Road of the Rottweiler (Cultivation cognitohazard.) 35 Chapter 35: Accursed Symbiosis. RoyalRoadL
Road of the Rottweiler (Cultivation cognitohazard.) 34 Chapter 34: Samari Levels Up in Annoyance RoyalRoadL
Road of the Rottweiler (Cultivation cognitohazard.) 33 Chapter 33: The Simping Dipnoi RoyalRoadL
Road of the Rottweiler (Cultivation cognitohazard.) 32 Chapter 32: The Arcagnostics. RoyalRoadL
Road of the Rottweiler (Cultivation cognitohazard.) 31 Chapter 31: Kalon Gets Purified by the Power of Bigotry. RoyalRoadL
Road of the Rottweiler (Cultivation cognitohazard.) 30 Chapter 30: Chocolate Milk Fountain RoyalRoadL
Road of the Rottweiler (Cultivation cognitohazard.) 29 Chapter 29: Cutbastra Sees a Doctor RoyalRoadL
Road of the Rottweiler (Cultivation cognitohazard.) 28 Chapter 28: The Ozone Layer Greets a Lady. RoyalRoadL
Road of the Rottweiler (Cultivation cognitohazard.) 27 Chapter 27: Like Moths Of a Flame RoyalRoadL
Road of the Rottweiler (Cultivation cognitohazard.) 26 Chapter 26: Cutbastra Tries to Get a Meal (Goes Wrong) RoyalRoadL
Road of the Rottweiler (Cultivation cognitohazard.) 25 Chapter 25: Brunhilda's Sensational Gift RoyalRoadL
Road of the Rottweiler (Cultivation cognitohazard.) 24 Chapter 24: Going Nuts. RoyalRoadL
Road of the Rottweiler (Cultivation cognitohazard.) 23 Chapter 23: Lime, Pale Beauty RoyalRoadL
Road of the Rottweiler (Cultivation cognitohazard.) 22 Chapter 22: Clash of Powers RoyalRoadL
Road of the Rottweiler (Cultivation cognitohazard.) 21 Chapter 21: Murderous Prodigy Girl be Shoppin RoyalRoadL
Road of the Rottweiler (Cultivation cognitohazard.) 20 Chapter 20: The Mandatory Tournament Arc RoyalRoadL
Road of the Rottweiler (Cultivation cognitohazard.) 19 Chapter 19: Brunhilda sensei RoyalRoadL
Road of the Rottweiler (Cultivation cognitohazard.) 18 Chapter 18: Under New Management. RoyalRoadL
Road of the Rottweiler (Cultivation cognitohazard.) 17 Chapter 17: Cutbastra and more Bars RoyalRoadL
Road of the Rottweiler (Cultivation cognitohazard.) 16 Chapter 16: Crusadina Gives the Elder Some Coal for Being a Bad Boy RoyalRoadL
Road of the Rottweiler (Cultivation cognitohazard.) 15 Chapter 15: Of Roads and Where They Lead to RoyalRoadL
Road of the Rottweiler (Cultivation cognitohazard.) 14 Chapter 14: Cutbastra Walks Into a Bar RoyalRoadL
Road of the Rottweiler (Cultivation cognitohazard.) 13 Chapter 13: Whalesale Tales RoyalRoadL
Road of the Rottweiler (Cultivation cognitohazard.) 12 Chapter 12: Familiar Flamethrowers RoyalRoadL
Road of the Rottweiler (Cultivation cognitohazard.) 11 Chapter 11: Kalon Breaks Through. RoyalRoadL
Road of the Rottweiler (Cultivation cognitohazard.) 10 Chapter 10: Culmino's Family Curious Anatomy. RoyalRoadL
Road of the Rottweiler (Cultivation cognitohazard.) 9 Chapter 9: Amputated Komodo Dragon Spawn RoyalRoadL
Road of the Rottweiler (Cultivation cognitohazard.) 8 Chapter 8: Clash of Roads RoyalRoadL
Road of the Rottweiler (Cultivation cognitohazard.) 7 Chapter 7: Emotional Suicide Animal RoyalRoadL
Road of the Rottweiler (Cultivation cognitohazard.) 6 Chapter 6: Cutbastra, Immature Immortal RoyalRoadL
Road of the Rottweiler (Cultivation cognitohazard.) 5 Chapter 5: Brunhilda, Discount Arrogant Young Master RoyalRoadL
Road of the Rottweiler (Cultivation cognitohazard.) 4 Chapter 4: Kalon and the Road. RoyalRoadL
Road of the Rottweiler (Cultivation cognitohazard.) 3 Chapter 3: The Village Idiot RoyalRoadL
Road of the Rottweiler (Cultivation cognitohazard.) 2 Chapter 2: Jagger, Heaven's Blursed RoyalRoadL
Road of the Rottweiler (Cultivation cognitohazard.) 1 Chapter 1: He Chose The Road of the Rottweiler RoyalRoadL
Road of the Rottweiler (Cultivation cognitohazard.) Disclaimer RoyalRoadL
Road of the Rottweiler (Cultivation cognitohazard.) Behind the Crackfic: an Insomnia Fueled Blog Entry RoyalRoadL