Once long ago, Kalon thought. He found the activity unpleasant and swore to never do it again. When the time to choose the Road he will follow in his path of immortality comes, he decides picking up a weapon is not worth it if it implies putting Jagger, local puppy, down on the not-yet-caramelized floor. Following this deranged line of thought, he proclaims himself a follower of the Road of the Rottweiler, having to fight with, meditate in presence of, and overall cultivate in ways that involve the aforementioned dogs.

After getting a word of warning from his oracle, Cutbastra, a powerful immortal with an insurmountable charisma, visits Kalon and Jagger's village. He has only one aim in mind: committing one of those prophecy-related mass murders that are so popular among villains. And maybe bedding some desperate housewives along the way.

Spurred by this terrible act of murder, Kalon embarks on a most moronic journey to avenge his dead brothers, cousins, and brother-cousins. Carrying only rottweilers with him, he will face an absurd world where the only limit to what people can cultivate would be the long-ago-extinct common sense.

And, even if reluctantly, Jagger, sole talking Rottweiler puppy in the world, will need to come along, if only to remind Kalon to keep breathing now and then.----In this story, Rule of Funny supersedes Rule of Cool. The protagonist will get hurt, will get ill. The dog is an slapstick magnet. The villain will be an absolute, absurd blast to read about. The story will stray away from Xianxia tropes as it advances, if only because of entropy and a pathological need to max the dumb. In other words: look at the shitty cover. YES, THE GREEN THING IS A GIANT CHLOROPLAST. Expect to laugh at Kalon's funny disgrace, not to cheer at his absurd power ups (Which will probably come with fun beatings attached). I mean, you do you, but... yeah.