Jenna Fairchild has a secret she has been keeping since she was a baby. Under her headband, under her grandfather's fedora, under her headphone strap, and under her messy bun, she has been hiding a black crown. No one could understand it, so she had to keep it hidden.

That is, she had to keep it hidden until she was abducted by aliens, given riches beyond her wildest dreams, a palace to herself on an alien world, and been tasted head-to-foot by an enormous alien octopus. Then she was ready to take her place on the political stage of the universe. Jenna is not a princess, she's a diplomat. Armed with arms that are less plentiful than an octopus's, with fewer suction cups, and only one person who can help her... Sardius, who is only a voice speaking to her through an earpiece, Jenna has to crown seven more diplomats or blue and red blood will spill.