(about 5k words per chapter)

Vampires have grown, and there are so many blood alternatives it's not even funny. There's even been lab-grown animal farms that have blood that tastes better than human blood... Or, well, that's what the capitalistic vampires try to tell the rest of them. With an unbreakable ward around his small mansion, Samael was supposed to be safe from any human influence at all, even though he lived in a small city.

Sam knew this was bullshit. Human blood smelled divine , and he bet it tasted just as great. It had been centuries since he'd actually tasted it, but he was almost sure it was not as horribly rank as the animal blood. Another thing, he was absolutely calling to get his money back on the so-called unbreakable wards that kept even the most stalwart human at bay. They didn't work. There was one right in front of him . In his own home. A trespasser. The trespasser.

The teenager frozen in front of him was the biggest issue he'd had. Ever. For some reason, only when she was around could others even get in . From police to more teenagers to random adults that didn't even know her , she dragged anyone and everyone to do her dirty work on his poor mansion. His walls were broken by metal bats. His doors had phallic paintings sprayed on all of them . Some of which he knew the human couldn't see.

The biggest issue he had, though, was the fact that she could see him . Staring at him with mild terror as he leaned against his expensive desk with his arms crossed, the teenager glanced behind her.

This was it . Sam was done. He'd scare the human, and she'd leave and never return. Everything should work out just fine, right?

With a wave of his hand, the door slammed shut.

Glancing around with increased concern, the teenager's attention latched onto him, and he allowed his eyes to glow the brightest they had since he'd hunted during the Incan era. This teenager would be chased out, and he'd finally be at peace.

WARNINGS:

I am best at angst-ridden humor. Dark humor, dry humor, dumb humor and all of that will have its place, but just as well so will blood-soaked angst. The horror and humor part is due to the wildly differing points of view, as poor Sam has to deal with a teenaged girl, and the teenaged girl has to deal with creatures only written of in trashy romance novels and stories that make them out to be horrible, terrifying, and cruel. Just as well, this is not a trashy romance. Ig... Ignore the Romance genre. Just pretend it's not there. I might change it later. (I won't).