Hi. I'm Eric Mohammed, an appless high-school drop-out.

You're probably expecting me to write an elaborate description with a compelling hook here. You would be wrong because I don't give a fuck.

You see, this is the story of me getting absolutely shafted in a multitude of ways by a multitude of interesting parties. I don't need to sell it.

Have fun reading, or don't.

— Eric

P.S: Just in case one of you fuckers hacks my phone and gets this published somewhere on the internet and someone leaves a bad review, I'm gonna wreck their shit and yours. Just sayin'. I'll have you know my story is amazing, got that?

The damaged file attached above was retrieved by unit \\0x2D4FFFFFu on 42/89/0504T00:00:45.0410Z AE, during a salvage operation. Restoration in progress.